what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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