im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
