i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
