Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
