At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
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