Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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