i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
