Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
