it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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