im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
