Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I love how my cats smell like pot.
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he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
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Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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