There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
