i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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