nut hugger
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
