My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize