He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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