I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
