her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
