It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
he fucked my hip out of place.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
