You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
