she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
