Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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