Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
