Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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