awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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