Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
