I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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