i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
