Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
