i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
