I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
