I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
