His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
