watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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