Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
