she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
