Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
