You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I believe in your delicious
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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