if i can run in heels then i can drive
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
