In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
