I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
