Define "chronic" masturbator.
home. puking in laundry basket.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
