Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
