I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
