New invention idea: vibrating tampons
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
