my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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