the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
