I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
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