I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
