have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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