That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
