I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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