She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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