I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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