So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
