pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
