I am puke
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
