the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
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