went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
