There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
