So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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