dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
